finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
