we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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