Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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