Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
