the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
