I'm lost and stupid without you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
