I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
