I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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