tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
