Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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