As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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