I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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