I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
