I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
