I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
