I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
