the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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