the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
