it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
