oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
