i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My dick has a subreddit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
