She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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