she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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