He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
