Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
