I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
