the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
