So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
