i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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