In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
