pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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