I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
