I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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