did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
