he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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