I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
