He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
