Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
