a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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