If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
