So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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