how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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