just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
