I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
