I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
