im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
