I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
