i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
