True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
