you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Maybe he injected his testicle?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
