I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
