Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
