But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
